Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Miscellaeous things

Today's post is a mish mash of random things in list format.

1. AOL and Facebook will not load for me tonight. I am having trouble figuring out how to procrastinate without them. I can't believe that A) this bothers me so much and B) neither of my web browers will load them. What gives? They both loaded at work for me before I left today. Is it because I use a Mac? It is isn't it?

2. I am finally backing my computer up after it's untimely automatic update installation failure of last week. I hadn't backed up since last September. Whoops, that's a fail. On the plus side of this I found an older version of a document which had gotten a tad corrupted and was therefore able to restore the data I'd lost. And that's a win!

3. People I find far more attractive than Angelina Jolie are, in no particular order:
a. Zooey Deschanel
b. Freida Pinto
c. Sarah Shahi
d. Lena Heady
e. Kate Winslet
f. Marisa Tomei
g. Tina Fey
I seriously do not understand why people think Angelina is the most beautiful person on the planet. I do not see it.

4. Why is it that after I have been sick for four days and I am still exhausted but know I have to go to work the next day my brain decides that it would be a great time to have one of those nights when IT WILL NOT SHUT THE F#@& OFF AND LET ME GET TO SLEEP and therefore I am up until 2 am trying to stop over thinking and remembering and reading and writing in my head but not actually writing that writing down and trying to place my order with the Universe and actually get it right this time (refer to my previous blog about being careful what you wish for, hi Universe, I'll have the salmon this time please)? Why is that??

5. Why do we feel compelled to go into work even when we know we need another day to recover from an illness? What good does it do us or our employer if we return to work too quickly? And for that matter why do people NOT use their sick days when they're ill and therefore spread their germs and get more people sick? That is not good for the productivity at all. Why do people think they are sooooo important that we cannot possibly live without them and their freaking germs for a day or two while they get well?

6. I am blogging instead of writing or working on submissions to literary journals as I'd planned to do tonight. How will I ever get published if I continue to procrastinate?

7. I am an excellent procrastinator. If awards were given out for procrastination I would have won dozens of them by now. Of course, the procrastinators who would conduct the awards show wouldn't have gotten down to scheduling it or to ordering the awards so....I'd still have nothing to show for my accomplishments.

8. My cat likes to sleep in my corner TV cabinet which is currently serving as an end table in my living room because I can't get it into my family room where it's supposed to go. It's too wide to go down the stairs and also too wide to come into the house through the door from the garage. I don't know why he likes to sleep in there, but he opens the doors himself and settles right in. If I don't know he's gone in there to nap it scares the bejesus out of me when he comes out of the damn thing because the doors bang shut behind him.

9. Song lyrics for this post. No reason, just because they popped into my head. Maxwell's Silver Hammer by the Beatles.

Joan was quizzicle, studied pataphysical
science in the home
late nights all alone with her test tube
Oh, oh, oh, oh

This song brings back memories of the "band" I was sort of in in like maybe 7th grade. We had a trumpet player and a sax player and I was either keyboards or flute. We rocked the house let me tell you!

10. Why do I feel compelled to have this list be an even number? Why can't I let it stay at 9 or even add another random thought to make it 11? I must learn to curb the obsessive compulsive behavior. Not that it's bad right now, but the potential is sooooo there.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

So freaking sick

Well, no wonder I was so tired at the beginning of the week. My body was preparing to get sick. And when I say sick I mean you can barely get off the couch or out of bed sick. Weak and exhausted and achy with a huge headache and a fever of 102. I would like to thank my boss for this illness. I would like to thank her for "using her best judgment" and "acting as an adult" and deciding to come to work and be a freaking martyr when if she would have just stayed home for a few days she wouldn't have gotten the rest of us so sick.

Yes, the rest of us. There's me and I'd say at least four other people that I know of in our department that are sick because of her. And I think I probably gave it to at least one friend because she's sick too (sorry Francesca, but movie night was still fun!).

I shouldn't be blogging right now, I should be sleeping. But I fear that if I do sleep now I won't sleep tonight. And the laptop is so nice and warm on my lap and my feet are like blocks of ice. And I ache from laying down so much. My back is killing me. Oh and I am crampy. Because it's not good enough just to be sick, I have to have my freaking period too.

This is when I miss living with someone. When I need another cup of tea or some soup or someone to let the dog out or take her for a walk because she is bored out of her mind and does not understand that mommy is so sick she can barely peel herself off the couch. Otherwise I love living alone.

I really have nothing more to say. So sick, so mad at my boss, so nearly out of canned soup, so not up to going to the grocery store, so afraid to shower because I nearly passed out getting out of the shower yesterday so really not up to being seen in public. I don't even have a song quote for this post. Too sick for that.

Monday, February 16, 2009

So sleepy

The title of this post has nothing to do with it's content. I am just very very sleepy. Today is President's Day, a day off from work for a lot of folks, but just another day at the office for me. And I am tired, it was a long day. There is so much to do and only so many hours.

And during this long day Ms. Ex, who presumably has the day off of work, decides she should text me. And I quote "hey...havent heard from you in a while. how are you? how are the animals?" I have not and am not going to bother with replying. Because we are not friends. I do not want to be friends. I have a feeling this text is the start of her monthly check ins again. I hadn't heard from her since before Christmas and was hoping not to hear from her again for a while.

She just doesn't see why I don't want to be BFF's. For me, that part of my life is over and done with. The chapter is finished and is not to be revisted. I don't want to walk down memory lane. I don't miss her in my life. I just want her to leave me alone. The problem is when Maggie got sick I was nice and let Ms. Ex see her. Because I felt bad and I thought I'd want to know if something happened to our other dog (the one who now lives with Ms. Ex). And I had to be civil while she was visiting Maggie. Make conversation and act nice. Which is what I did (I am good at it, very good).

But now I'm not so sure I'd even want to know if something happened to our other dog. Because I would be constantly second guessing the decisions Ms. Ex made on how to handle it. And I don't need that kind of stress in my life. And I don't need a reminder of what it was like to live with her for so long.

Anyway, I'm too tired to write more tonight. Seriously, I am ready for bed. So tonight's lyrics are from the musical Rent because as you may know I am OBSESSED with Rent (Hi Francesca!). And also because I think they fit. So, here is a snippet from Happy New Year.

Bolted plywood, padlocked with a chain.
A total dead end

Just like my ex-girlfriend

Monday, February 2, 2009

Be Careful What You Wish For...

Today's lyrics are from Careful What You Wish For by Jonatha Brooke.

Careful what you wish for, careful what you do
Even when you whisper, someone's listening to you
Careful what you wish for, careful what you say
Careful what you wish for, 'cuz it just might come true someday

In late December of 2007 I started reading The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. It's all about the law of attraction and how we attract what we put out into the Universe (negative attracts negative, positive attracts positive, etc.). I was at a really low point in my life about then (as I've blogged about before) and I thought I'd give the law of attraction a try to see if I could perhaps make a change in my life. I figured it couldn't hurt, I mean after all it's really just thinking and God knows I do PLENTY of that already so what could a little more (and more focused) thinking hurt?

Frankly I didn't really think it worked very well (apparently I am an immediate results kind of person when it comes to stuff like this, I have to work on that). Sure, things got better for me as last year progressed peaking sometime in July, but I attributed that to finally moving on after Ms. Ex and finding FMHW and finally feeling good about myself again, like I had direction and a purpose and of all things feeling that I actually had friends. I kind of forgot about the thoughts I sent out to the Universe as the months wore on. Until recently that is, when I started reflecting on my life as I am so wont to do. And that's when I remembered exactly what I'd sent out to the Universe last January.

And you know what? I got precisely what I asked for. I'm not going to go into the details of what exactly I asked for and truly believed I would get (because believing is part of the secret to the law of attraction). But I got it for sure, there's no doubt in my mind that the Universe heard and responded to my request. The thing is though, what I asked for and what I truly wanted were not one and the same. And there in lies the rub. My request was fulfilled but I didn't order what I really wanted.

It's kind of like going to a restaurant. You read the menu and look over all the choices and listen to the server recite the specials and then you ponder what it is that sounds best to you and order that. But when the food is actually put in front of you, delicious though it is, you realize that even though the cod special sounded divine when you ordered it, you really would rather have had the salmon. I asked the Universe for the cod special last January and that is what I got. But you know what? I really wanted the salmon.

I have learned a couple things from this, the first being that the old adage really is true, you do have to be careful what you wish for because you just might get it. The second is that the law of attraction really does work but you need to be pretty specific about what it is that you want or you'll end up getting cod instead of salmon. And while cod is certainly good, it will NEVER be the salmon you really wanted. I'm going to figure out how to ask the Universe for my salmon and you can bet that I'm going to be darned careful how I ask for it. Because for all I know a year from now I could be blogging about how I thought I'd ordered salmon this time but it turned out I'd really ordered pork chops instead. And I don't eat pork.