Thursday, September 3, 2009

Horoscopes and Dreams and Signs and I may read into things too much while also overthinking

I enjoy reading my horoscope. I think it's fun and some days I think it's spot on (and others it's just a bunch of hooey). I usually read it in the morning after I get to work. I don't read the newspaper and I don't turn on the radio, TV or computer before I leave the house in the morning. I'm inundated with enough technology as soon as I get to work, I cherish my quiet time in the morning. Also, I am not a morning person. In case you're wondering I am an Aries, the fiery ram (does it say that in my profile somewhere? I feel like it does). Personally I don't believe I'm overly ramish or fiery, but then again I might be a little too close to myself to really be objective.

This morning as I settled into my work routine I pulled up my horoscope and as I read it I was all "wait, what? Really? WTF does that mean?" Here's the part that elicited that reaction: "A dream, a story or a symbol bears a message about your love life now. Consciously cultivate your ability to see connections, interpret signs and understand your world as an interconnected whole."

Now, I know what it means, but what does it mean? And I ask that question because I remember one thing and one thing only from my dream last night (which is unusual in itself for me since I typically have such long and involved and vivid dreams about things like Ms. Ex trying to frame me for a murder she committed or me bringing my cats to my college reunion where I find that the dorm we're staying in is also being used by some southern college football team, but I digress). And the one thing I remember from last night's dream is that FMHW was in it and not in a bad way but not in a way like we were living the Hollywoodized happily ever after of the movies. But she was definitely there and there were definitely feelings on both our parts and they were very strong and there was a strong feeling of longing on both sides as well.

So, what does the dream mean in relation to my horoscope? What message does this dream bear about my love life? Am I supposed to contact her? I haven't seen her in over a year. I haven't heard from her in over 8 months. And why am I dreaming about her? Why her and not Ms. Ex who I spent nearly 9 years of my life with? Why can't I just let this damn relationship or fling or summer fun or whatever you want to call it go?

It's not as though I don't know there are other fish in the sea. It's not as though I'm not actively seeking out said other fish. I am not sitting here pining for her every night, feeling sad and lonely and incomplete. I'm perfectly happy to be quite honest. So why this dream? Why last night? And what am I supposed to interpret from the dream? Because clearly this dream is the sign about my love life to which my horoscope is referring, what else could it be?

I just don't know what to do with this information. I cannot process it. I cannot reach a logical conclusion. Half of me is saying "oh what the hell, just send her a quick e-mail saying hi" and the other half of me is saying "NO! Don't do that because what if you DON'T hear back from her? How will that make you feel? Crushed right? So just ignore the sign, don't do anything, you're better off that way."

Which half should I listen to? I believe that the Universe will continue to provide the signs and that they'll continue to pop up until you listen to what they have to say. And honestly? This isn't the first dream I've had that she's been a part of in some way, shape or form recently. It's like the third or fourth. I just chose to ignore the first few. Is that a sign in itself or is my subconscious just trying to work some shit out? Needless to say I'm pretty deep in my own head right now trying to figure all this out.

Perhaps I should listen to a different part of my horoscope which states "Don't be rushed. When things are unclear, it's best to stop and ask questions." But ask questions of who??? And it also tells me my "intuition should be a good guide." But I feel as though my intuition is on vacation. So, I just don't know what I'm supposed to make of all this. That seems to be the story of my life. But that's okay, I will learn something from this. I just don't know what that'll be.

Today's lyrics come from the song Hello by Schuyler Fisk. She's a new discovery for me and I rather like her.

I wonder who you're loving now
I'm guessing we won't work things out

you know what they say
you can't have it so you want it back
I'm way past that
believe me
if you could be in my life
like you've been on my mind
it'd be so easy

it's me again
it's three days now
that you've been in my dreams
and i don't know, i guess
you've just been on my mind
i don't know, i guess
i think about you all the time

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