How it all started

As I was driving home from work tonight I happened to be listening to what I used to consider "our song." That is "our song" for my college girlfriend and I. And the song was being sung by another friend of mine since I was listening to an album of one of my college's a cappella groups, Henry's VIII. As I was singing along at the top of my lungs I drove by FMHW. And while there was a moment of quickened heartbeat when I saw her car and as I sped past, that was it. Nothing else. No welling of tears, no yearning for the past, no what ifs or if onlys, just more singing at the top of my lungs because it's great to be alive. And that's when I decided it was finally time to post about the inspiration for this blog, the Great Song Quoting Incident of 2008. After all, how likely is it that I would drive by one ex-girlfriend while listening to the song that another ex-girlfriend and I considered "our song?"

Back in late September I was feeling really down. I am a sensitive person and very emotional to boot (whether I appear that way or not, I really am). FMHW had broken up with me for what I know intellectually to be excellent reasons (for her) but which I could not yet grasp emotionally. I have never been one to let go easily. One night in September I was an absolute mess. And then, of course, there were the hormones on top of it all (oh the joys of being a woman!). And over the course of the last year or so my hormones cause me to be just barely this side of certifiably crazy during that time of the month. This is when I decided it would be a good idea to e-mail FMHW some things that I was thinking and wondering about. You know the typical stuff like hey how are you, what have you been up to, why did you break up with me and why haven't you contacted me and OH MY GOD someone should have just taken my laptop away from me. That's the problem with living alone. There's no one here to prevent me from doing crap like that.

Apparently I turn into a 13 year old girl when I've been broken up with. I mean, I guess it's good to know that about oneself, but really it's rather embarrassing. I cannot think of that e-mail and not cringe a little inside. What must she think of me now? I mean I was this pretty smooth (for me at least) and rational and normal woman and then I go and do that? But the worst part? Oh the worst part is that I added a P.S. to the e-mail and in that P.S. I admitted to being a complete emotional/hormonal wreck and acting like a 13 year old girl. That alone would not have been bad. I mean it might just explain where my head was for the previous paragraphs. But I could not stop there could I?

Nope, I do not know how to quit while I am ahead. I then proceeded to quote song lyrics. Oh yes I did. And I did not just quote a lyric or two. I quoted the whole damn song. I am SUCH an idiot! And in addition to the quoting I apologized for it not being a song from the 70s because she loves 70s music. And you know what? It is a song from the 70s, I just quoted the cover (which can be heard here). Again I am an idiot. Who does something like that? Wait, don't answer that.

After I clicked send I knew I'd made a huge mistake. But what can you do? I apologized the next day and asked her to please chalk it up to something akin to a drunk dial. I was thoroughly mortified by my actions the next morning. Of course as I was writing the e-mail it seemed like the perfect thing to do (see my post here about the perfect e-mail). I mean I am this brilliant, witty, beautiful catch of a woman and obviously if I quote song lyrics to you that will take away all the reasons (valid reasons) for ending our relationship. Clearly lyric quoting is the answer for everything! I have discovered the biggest secret of all! Get fired? Quote song lyrics to your boss and you will be rehired instantly! Get pulled over for speeding? Quote song lyrics to the cop and you'll get off scot-free! Being mugged? Quote song lyrics and the perp will drop his knife and run in the other direction leaving you unharmed and unfazed!

I will repeat, I am SUCH an idiot.

So, that incident was the inspiration for this blog. I thought perhaps if I blogged about song lyrics then just maybe I would not quote song lyrics in e-mails at inappropriate times (or EVER again when e-mailing an ex). So far, so good. My good friend Francesca shared a song with me in the week following the Great Song Quoting Incident of 2008. I cannot think of a more appropriate song for this blog post or in reference to that incident. Without further ado, I give you fuck was I by Jenny Owen Youngs.

and there's always a big mess left over
What did you do?
What did you say?

Skillet on the stove is such a temptation
maybe I'll be the lucky one that doesn't get burned
what the fuck was I thinking?