May?

Oh beautiful weather wherever have you gone? I cannot believe how cold it has been here the past couple days. The perfect weather we had this weekend was just a tease. I know I should not be surprised, I do live in New England after all. But still, it will be June in a few days. I should not have to be wearing layers in my house and running my space heater at work to ward off the chill.

It's gray, damp days like this that make me realize how much I'd like to have either A) my tub working so I could relax in a nice hot bath or B) a clean chimney (as in one that doesn't have dead ivy vines sticking out of it) and some firewood so I could have a fire in my fireplace. There's something so, I don't know, so zen I guess for me about a fire. I love camp fires, I love bonfires, I love fires in fire places or wood stoves. I love watching the flames flicker, red, yellow, orange, white, sometimes even blue. I love the crackle and hiss. I love watching the sparks shoot up off the wood and dwindle from hot red embers to black/gray/white ash as they float away.

Maybe it's the Aries in me that has such a connection to fire. We Aries are fire signs after all (could also be why I feel so calmed by being near water). Or maybe it was growing up in a household that burned wood in a woodstove as their primary source of heat in the winter. Who knows why I love it so much, but I do. In my dream world I own (with Ms. Right of course!) a quaint old farm house some place out in the country (but not too far out, been there, done that and have learned to LOVE the convenience of grocery and department stores closer than 40 miles away). This farm house has a big wrap around porch and at least one working fire place. On cold winter nights we'll light a fire and sit together and watch the flicker of the flames while snow falls gently outside enjoying the simplicity of the moment and the contentment we find in our togetherness. And on beautiful summer nights we'll sit on the porch and watch the fireflies dancing in the dark or heat lightening far off in the distance.

Also, in my dream world I own (again with Ms. Right, of course!) a house on the beach in Southern Maine. I have no idea how I'm going to afford the purchase of these houses or their renovation and upkeep, but that will of course work itself out (the universe provides). Interesting that I assumed both houses would need to be renovated. I typed that without even thinking. Hmmmm.....

For now I will settle for my beautiful house on my beautiful piece of land in a semi-rural suburb with my (mostly) wonderful cats and fantastic dog (who apparently has me wrapped around her paw as she CAN jump up on the couch, she just prefers that I lift her). I really do love my house. There are things I wish it had (besides a working tub) such as a deck or patio or porch on the back of the house. Or a place to hang a hammock. But when in life aren't we wishing we had something we don't have? Everyone wishes for things they don't have. The key is of course to be happy with what you DO have and knowing that happiness doesn't come as a bonus with the things we buy that we think we need (33% more happiness free with purchase!!) A bigger TV will make me SO happy, until it doesn't; these new jeans will make me SO happy, until they don't; and on and on and on.

But we all have dreams of some sort which may or may not ever come true. We all have our "someday I will..." and our "if only...." That's just part of being human I think. Part of the way the human mind works, part of what keeps us sane during the really hard times and part of what keeps us moving forward toward our goals during the not so hard times.

Right now, at this minute, one of my "if only" wishes is for a return of the nice weather. Mother Nature, if you're listening, I know rain is important and all that, but can you warm it up 5 degrees or so while it's gloomy and raining? Just for a couple months? It really was a long winter....

For this post, in honor of fire and warmth and Ms. Right (or something like that) I give you Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash (written of course by June Carter Cash). I'd like to thank Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon for introducing me to this song in the movie Walk the Line. Incidentally, it's Joaquin Phoenix singing the song in my head as I type right now, not Mr. Cash.

Love is a burning thing
And it makes a fiery ring
Bound by wild desire
I fell into a ring of fire

I fell into a burning ring of fire
I went down, down, down and the flames went higher
And it burns, burns, burns the ring of fire
The ring of fire