Monday, May 25, 2009

Reason number....

Happy Memorial Day. What a beautiful weekend it was. Great weather and I got a ton accomplished. Of course I always set lofty goals for what I think I should accomplish in any given period and even though I did do a lot this weekend I still feel like I didn't get enough done. What is this drive in me? Why is it so hard for me to just take a damn day and do nothing and NOT feel guilty about it? Anyway....

I washed my car today (among other things). It was so good to be in the sun, not too hot or cold and no humidity. It could stay like that all summer and I would be extremely happy. Anyway, I washed my car and as I was washing it I could not help but think about how fantastic it was to wash a car and NOT have to get out the q-tips. Because whenever Ms. Ex washed a car she went beyond anal retentive while doing it. Honestly, she took it to the extreme.

And if I didn't also take it to the extreme then I didn't do it right. Like today, I only washed the outside of the car and I didn't vacuum the inside or clean the inside or windex the windows or take a q-tip to clean out the air vents or anything like that. In Ms. Ex's world that was nearly a mortal sin. The sheer freedom to NOT have to do that was such a relief. I could simply enjoy cleaning the outside of the car on an incredible day. So awesome! And I have a nice clean, shiny car to boot!

And when I meet Ms. Right (just around the corner, I know it and if not, then that's fine too it'll happen when it's meant to) she won't care that I don't get out the q-tips when cleaning the car. She'll appreciate the beauty of the day, the blue sky, the birds at the feeders and the blooming of the flowers. She'll enjoy sitting quietly in my greenhouse (or on her patio or deck or whatever) after washing the car and mulching the flowerbeds and watching the world go by. Or maybe reading or listening to music or chatting or having a drink or all of the above.

I am not ready to let the weekend go. I've enjoyed it so much. I really needed some time away from work to recharge and get my hands dirty in my flower beds. And I think, knock on wood, that I even managed to steer clear of the poison ivy this year. Woo hooo! Last June was way too itchy for me to want any sort of repeat of that. And now, for some reason, I have decided to end my weekend by watching The Nanny Diaries. I have NO idea why. I'm not even a fan of Scarlett Johansson.

The song for this post is Magnolia Street by Catie Curtis. I first really heard this song at a friend's wedding a couple years ago. It was the song she and her husband first danced to. I don't know why it spoke to me so deeply at that time. Ms. Ex and I had just sold our house. I was now single and very much alone for the first time in a very very long time. I was struggling to figure out who I was and where I wanted to go, which direction I wanted to take my life. I'd forgotten who I was, who I used to be after being someone I wasn't for so freaking long. I won't say hearing this song changed my life, but I will say that it definitely spoke to me. And then months later when I met FMHW it spoke to me again, this time as a metaphor for that budding relationship. And it speaks to me again now, a year later, as an example of what I'm looking to find.

I knew that I loved you the first time you got into my car
Your cheeks were flushed and I felt a hush come over me in the dark
I got us lost but at the next cross you said I don't care where we are
I'm in the right car

I drove us slow down a fast food strip and you turned the radio on
I was confused, all the signs were lit and you said I love this song
I wanted to say that I loved you but I knew too soon too strong
This is the ride I'm on
This is the ride I'm on

And I recall in my sleep how you changed my life on Magnolia Street
A dream, but it's true I'm not the same since I met you
And I feel like I'm going home
But not to the one I've known

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